


Family vacation in Asgard

by Donya



Series: Frostiron parenting [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Feels, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-10
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:09:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1172900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki takes Tony and their baby to Asgard. </p><p>Frigga and Odin embarrass Loki, spoil the baby and want Loki to get married already.</p><p>Bjorn discovers boobies and meets his furry brothers.</p><p>Fandral is jealous of Stark. </p><p>Everyone is a traitor.</p><p>Crazy stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family vacation in Asgard

**Author's Note:**

> 'Caaarl, we're supposed to be on vacation!'

  
The first thing Bjorn noticed was a rainbow bridge. He gasped out in excitement, squirming in Mummy's tight embrace, he had to, absolutely had to touch it. The pulsating lights fascinated him, perhaps he could catch them. Such a big toy. So many possibilities.

'Loki!'

Bjorn looked up and saw two people waiting for them, a fair-haired woman smiling broadly at him and an old, grey man. Mummy said they were going to meet Grandmother. Puzzling. Which one of them was his Granny?

'Mother,' Mummy said to the woman, ah, now it was clear. Bjorn instantly liked her, mostly because of her long hair, he managed to grip a handful of it when she came closer.

'Loki. Who is this? Bjorn, is that you? You were so tiny the last time I saw you! Oh, they grow up so fast. Come to me, oh, baby.'

She hugged him and a bit too tight, cooing in his ear. That was pleasant, Bjorn decided and gave her a wet kiss, much to everyone's amusement. When she loosened her grip, Bjorn smacked her chest, surprised to feel some softness under his palms. Hmm.

'My turn now,' the old man said and Bjorn was handed to him. Everything was interesting- a grey beard, mustache and a yellow thing on his eye. The lines on his face made Bjorn very curious. He didn't know what he wanted to touch first.

'You look just like Loki when I found him.'

'Found! You meant stole! Bjorn, do not listen to any word that comes from that lying mouth! Mother, could you- please?'

Daddy laughed when Bjorn began a thorough examination of Granny's soft spots. He gave them a few squeezes, hmm, how come Mummy didn't have any of those? It'd be nice to squeeze Mummy.

'Son, no.'

'He acts on the instinct. Sorry, sweetheart, I don't have any milk for you. Anyway, you're big enough to eat normal food.'

'I'm glad to see you, Loki. And your, err, husband.'

'I did not come here to exchange words with you. I thought I made that clear. Stark is not my husband.'

'Hello, Loki's parents. This is not at all awkward.'

'When are you going to get married? You have a child already.'

'Oh! Look at your lovely hair! Bjorn, I knew you'd have dark hair, just like your parents. And those brown eyes, such a sweet little boy! Long eyelashes, are you going to steal everyone's heart here? I know you are.'

'At least he drools less than Loki. Do you remember that? He was always, always wet. Thor repeated, _Loki no, Mum, he got me weeeet_ a dozen times a day.'

'That's true, especially when he got excited. All the books the boys had were sticky with-'

'MOTHER.'

'Oh, please, do continue, Loki, you never told me about that!'

 

The house was big, very big, Bjorn noticed huge windows but most importantly, a vast hallway. A perfect place to exercise running. Recently, he had discovered the joys of running, making Mummy or Daddy chase after him. However, it was much worse to fall down when he was going so fast. 'Slow down!' Mummy would yell but the freedom, Bjorn wanted to say, freedom!

'We still have Loki's crib, although the edges have teeth marks!'

'And the bricks, Loki thought they were edible and pushed them into his mouth.'

'Once he ate paint.'

'And played in a puddle, smearing mud on himself and Thor.'

'Oh, yes, he screamed in agony when he had to take a bath. What a tragedy! Warm water, how could we be so cruel to him!'

'I'm having so much fun, Loki! Your parents are great.'

Bjorn gave up on squeezing Granny. He focused again on the bearded man. If the woman holding him was Mummy's Mummy, that had to be Mummy's Daddy.

'Dada!' Bjorn exclaimed to get his attention and reached out his hands to him. Dada gasped and smiled at him, Bjorn let out a pleased sound when he was again in that man's arms. Time to touch and pull at his beard.

'I'm having a heart attack. I am his father and he says DADA to your adoptive father?!'

'How much fun are you having now?'

'Bjorn, you traitor!'

'Dada,' Bjorn repeated, glad that Dada let him play with the beard. He pushed his fingers into it, what a strange feeling.

'Look, Loki, he likes me. Instantly. Just as you did.' 

'I have never liked you!'

'Nonsense. You smiled at me the moment I picked you up.'

'I did not!'

'Yes, you did.'

'Traitorous child. Lokes, how many times did Bjorn pee on me? I'm his Dada!'

The yellow thing that covered Dada's eye was cold and hard, surprising, Bjorn wondered if under it there was an eye but before he could check that, Dada kissed his forehead and rubbed his back.

'My grandson. I hope you will not choose to hate me one day.'

'Ten minutes, we're here ten minutes and you already trying to manipulate my son?'

Granny put her hand on Mummy's shoulder and whispered something to him. Bjorn did not listen, he noticed how big Dada's ears were, definitely something worth a closer look.

'Fine. Come, Stark. Bjorn, stay with... with... Dada.'

 

Bjorn was right. It felt wonderful to run in that new house. The moment Dada put him on the floor, Bjorn got up and ran away. The hall was long and empty, he heard laughing behind him, someone was trying to catch him, so Bjorn sped up. He noticed a large door opened and there was a huge park outside, just like the one he knew. Green grass and trees, oh, there was no way Bjorn would let anyone ruin this game. Something told him they were planning on putting him to bed.

'Fandral! Catch him!'

That was Granny's voice. On his left, Bjorn saw a man that somehow reminded him of Thor- light hair and a cape, although it was not red. He had a beautiful armour, that Bjorn had to admit and it distracted him enough to slow down. Strong hands lifted him and he faced the not-Thor. Again, the beard and the mustache, although less impressive than Dada's.

'Got him!'

'Good, good. Uff! I need to catch a breath. Do you mind keeping an eye on him for a moment?'

The not-Thor was wearing gloves and he let Bjorn take one of them off. It was so big. Bjorn pushed both his hands inside and there was still room for another set of little hands.

'Look at you. Little Loki. I should be your father. That Man of Iron doesn't deserve Loki.'

Bjorn tried to use the glove as a hat but for that purpose it was too small. So frustrating. He was about to demand being released when they were joined by two people. A large man with- ah!- gorgeous long hair. That was heaven. Everyone had long hair, Bjorn could pull at it and wrap it around his wrists. Heaven.

The other person confused Bjorn. For a fleeting moment, he thought it was Mummy. Dark hair, white face, slim figure. Mummy.

'Oh! Who is this?! Could that be little Bjorn? Give me him to me, Fandral!'

The not-Mummy was actually very nice, Bjorn thought, he liked her smile and that little nose and- yes!- her chest was even more round than Granny's. She laughed nervously when Bjorn gripped her but did not stop him.

'Poor baby, he knows what he's missing! These are called boobs, son.'

'Such a sweet little boy! Your father must be really charming. I can't see any trace of Loki's horrible personality.'

'I want to hold him now! Come, little Bjorn!'

The huge man's hands were bigger than Bjorn's head. Just like Dada, he did not protest when Bjorn played with his hair. Oh, how he loved this place. So much hair. So much attention.

'By Valhalla, when I heard about you, I thought you were a real bear! Oh my goodness, you're stronger than me!'

'Listen, baby, do not let your Mother poison your mind. Remember that Thor is a righteous, honourable man that loves you more than your Mother ever will. Depend on Thor, trust me.'

'Bjorn!'

Mummy! Bjorn ran to Mummy, suddenly realising how much he missed Mummy. A good, long hug stopped him from crying.

'Loki, how good to see you.'

'Do you smell that, Bjorn? That's betrayal. Sif! What lies have you told my son already?'

'I warned him against your manipulations.'

'Loki, could we talk for a moment?'

Mummy took Bjorn back to the house, ignoring all tearful arguments. Bjorn wanted to stay outside and touch the hair and boobs. How could Mummy be so cruel? Bjorn had very important plans.

'Mother, could you, please, keep him away from those-'

'Oh, sweetie, you know very well that no one wants to harm your son.'

'But I don't like them! They are not allowed to play with my son! Hold him!'

  
Bjorn ran fast, he lost Granny a while ago. It seemed that he discovered everything that floor had to offer and now stopped in front of stairs. Lots of stairs. Very difficult. Bjorn considered taking up that challenge but then he spotted a man. Perfect. Men are helpful. That one had yellow eyes and brown skin, he smiled at Bjorn kindly.

'Hello, there. Do you need help?

'Up!' Bjorn commanded.

He gripped the handrail with his sticky fingers, the brown man held his other hand and helped him climb the stairs. Not a word of complaint at Bjorn's slow pace.

'This is so wise of you, my dear prince, to ask for help. Your Mother has never done that. I assume it is your father who taught you that. Good, step by step, that's right, good boy. See? You can't fall down when someone holds your hand.'

'Bjorn!'

Mummy was on that new floor, waiting for him. Bjorn had mixed feelings, he feared it might be his naptime.

'Come here, Bjorn!'

Mummy gripped his wrist tightly, making sure that he would not run away. Bjorn fought and whined, he wanted to explore!

'Traitor.'

'There's no need to introduce yourself, Loki, I remember you.'

Mummy hissed like a cat. The brown man disappeared but before Mummy calmed down, Dada found them. Mummy gritted his teeth, Bjorn did not understand why Mummy was so angry. Dada was funny.

'Give me the baby and go to your husband, you look like you need rest.'

'He's not my husband! But you're right.'

  
Bjorn loved his grandparents. They were so naïve and slow. It was almost impossible to trick Mummy or even Daddy but Dada was so easily fooled. Bjorn escaped him the moment Dada put him on a sofa.

'Stop, young man!'

Bjorn had no intention of doing so. He rushed forward, running until he noticed a slightly opened door. From one room to another, Bjorn finally found himself in a bathroom. Oh no. Bad things happen to dirty boys in bathrooms. Bjorn was lucky, the next door was also opened.

The first thing he heard was screaming and moaning. He realised he was in a bedroom, the curtains were drawn but still he could see a large bed. Someone was lying there.

'Oh gods, oh, Stark!'

That was Mummy! Bjorn came closer. It sounded like crying, Mummy was lying under Daddy and cried. Daddy was moving back and forth, apparently that hurt Mummy. Bjorn didn't want Mummy to cry. He approached the bed and smacked Daddy hard.

'Bjorn!'

'What are you doing here?'

'He totally slapped me! Hahah, he thinks I'm hurting you!'

Mummy and Daddy started laughing at him. Bjorn didn't know if he wanted to join them or start fussing. It did not feel nice. Mummy and Daddy were being mean to him and Bjorn only tried to help Mummy.

'Get off me, Stark, I need to- stop, no- ah!'

Mummy giggled and kissed Daddy, then finally got up and put on only his trousers.

'Come, son, let's find your Granny.'

'Make it quick or I'll finish without you!'

 

  
Bjorn trotted next to Mummy, all of a sudden too tired to run. He was about to ask Mummy to hold him when the not-Thor almost bumped into them. His face turned red when he looked at Mummy, Bjorn did not understand his reaction. He often saw Mummy not entirely dressed.

'Loki.'

'Fandral.'

'I have never stopped thinking about you. All those times when you sneaked into my room, do you remember? Now we don't need to hide anymore. Given all the things you've done, no one would mind our relationship.'

'Have you lost your mind? My son is standing right here.'

'I could be his father. Say one word, Loki and-'

Fandral the not-Thor hugged Mummy and kissed him the way only Daddy kissed Mummy. Bjorn stared at them in confusion. He knew there were different types of kisses and something was not right about that one.

'Just a little reminder. Tell me when you change your mind. You know where to find me.'

The man left them, Mummy breathed hard and seemed just as shocked as Bjorn was.

'Well, I hope you won't tell your Daddy. Or, maybe you should, Stark takes me for granted. Hmmm. No, no, don't tell Daddy. You see, son, Fandral may be dashing but your Father changed my life.'

'Is that my favourite nephew?'

Bjorn turned to see his favourite uncle. Thor opened his arms and Mummy let Bjorn go. Thor picked him up and gave him a little slap on his butt.

'Don't hit my child.'

'Oh, brother, he barely felt that. Go, go to Stark, Mother said you're discussing the wedding.'

'What?! No, I don't even care.'

 

  
It was a miracle. They forgot about his nap. Thor brought him back to Mummy's friends, the mustache men and the not-Mummy. Everyone wanted to play with him and for some reason, they loved it when Bjorn said two of his first words, 'dam' and 'Tho' in that exact order.

'Loki's son!'

'Damn, Thor! Sounds like Loki!'

Bjorn was given a long object made of wood, it was a sword that once belonged to Thor. They all encouraged him to use it, although each of his attempts at lifting it made them laugh.

'Just like Loki.'

 

 

Thor brought him back to Mummy. He knocked on the door and shouted, 'Loki, your son smells!'

'Thor, you oaf!'

Mummy opened the door and took Bjorn. It was such a relief to be with Mummy again and to get changed at last. Sometimes it wasn't that bad and Mummy always did that faster than Daddy, without whining and complaining.

'Do you like Asgard, sweetheart? You don't remember it but you were born here, in this very room. Daddy was outside, getting drunk, why did that even surprise me. But then he saw you for the first time and he cried so hard I thought he didn't like you.'

'Don't tell him such crap, Lokes. I don't want him to have daddy issues. Also, you cried more than the two of us combined.'

'I thought he would die.'

'Oh, Loki. There, there, hush. No one died.'

Daddy embraced Mummy and for a moment they were silent. Bjorn watched them, wondering why Mummy got sad so often.

 

  
Mummy took him outside, Bjorn thought they were going to play with the not-Thor but they went into a rather dark and smelly building.

'I want you to meet someone very special, son. This is your brother, Sleipnir.'

Sleipnir was a horse, that Bjorn knew for sure. He saw horses in books and had little plushie horsie at home. That one, though, looked a bit different, more legs. Bjorn touched its nose, curious and Mummy immediately caught his hand.

'Gently, Bjorn, like this. See? Gently. Be nice to Sleipnir, he's such a good boy.'

Bjorn tried to imitate Mummy's gesture and stroked the horsie. The fur was grey and soft, very pleasant to touch. Sleipnir had big eyes and looked at them cautiously. Bjorn gasped when Sleipnir caught his hand between his lips. It was a very odd sensation, the lips were hot and wet, the horsie licked him.

'Aww, he's saying hi to you, Bjorn! Look at you, getting along! My sons. Now let's see Fenrir!'

  
Bjorn thought Fenrir was a dog. A rather large, furry dog with sharp teeth and fluffy tail. Mummy said it was a wolf but all Bjorn cared about was the fur. Very soft. Bjorn hugged Fenrir, who took that as an invitation to lick his little brother's hair.

'Stark, look, they like each other!'

'Is that safe? I mean, I know it's your child but what I see is a freaking WOLF. He's tasting our son.'

'Stop it, Stark, Fenrir is a very good wolf, aren't you? You want me to scratch you behind your ears? I know you do, come here.'

'Woof woof!' Bjorn finally recalled the sound doggies make.

'Yes! Good boy! Stark, heard that?'

'But wolves don't say woof woof.'

'Don't listen to Daddy, Bjorn. Fenrir likes you and he does say woof woof, right, son? I love my children.'

  
Bjorn was on Granny's lap, helping her braid her hair and occasionally chewing on it. Mummy was sitting next to them, sipping his drink that he did not want to share with Bjorn. After a while, Bjorn forgot he had to be angry about that. Granny sang him songs and kissed his head, that as very soothing.

'It's getting late, we should put the cradle in your room.'

'Mother, he can't sleep with us. He'll sense my presence and demand cuddles in the middle of the night.'

'Sweetie, it's natural. You did not let me sleep either.'

'I said no. I sleep-trained him and he sleeps alone. Stark doesn't understand that and he thinks it's cruel to leave when Bjorn's still awake. But he falls asleep after five-ten minutes and nothing bad happens. I don't want to spoil him. Stark wants to do it but he wouldn't want to deal with the consequences.'

'I know, Loki, but I'm Bjorn's Granny. It's my obligation to spoil him. I want him to sleep with me, I hope you don't mind.'

'I don't. When are you going to ask me about you-know-what?'

'Why did you disappear and left Bjorn with his father? Now, I guess. Tell me, son, are not happy with your family?'

'It's not that. Stark is doing his best, he drives me mad sometimes but he loves Bjorn. It's just- I feel like I let him down.'

'Whom? Your husband?'

'No, Bjorn. I didn't protect him. I put his life in danger. Most of the pregnancy I spent in captivity and- that was my fault, I thought- every time he wasn't moving, I thought he died, inside me, died, I- He's a sweet child, I love him but there are days when I just can't do anything but I have to, I'm his mother and there's no excuse. I thought that it'd be better if I left him. I felt like I wasn't good enough and -'

'Oh, Loki, I hope you know it's not true. You did protect Bjorn, he was born healthy, you saved him. You did everything right. He loves you so much, don't you, honey? Say Loki.'

'No, he only says Mama. Say it, Bjorn.'

'Mama!'

'Thank you. I missed him the whole time we spent apart and finally I selfishly thought that I cannot live without him. So I returned and he forgave me instantly. It turned out that I am in fact good enough to be his parent. Compared to Stark. The child was dirty and hungry.'

'You see? You're a wonderful mother, Loki.'

'We consider having another child.'

'Oh! Another baby! Hopefully a girl!

Bjorn put his hand on Granny's, amused by the size difference. Either he was small or everyone else- huge.

'I'm hesitating. Bjorn can be a handful and dealing with two tiny creatures at once, wouldn't that be too much?'

'You're not alone. Ask your husband to help you more. Oh! Would you like me to talk to him?'

'No- yes. Yes! He's a bit afraid of you. Scare him, Mother.'

'I will. I want my son to have the most supportive partner. Now, kiss Bjorn goodnight and go, I have things to do.'

'You mean spoiling him?'

'Yes. Just a little bit. Go, spend some time with your husband.'

Mummy kissed Bjorn, twice and then once more.

'Be good for Granny, will you? You can be mean to Dada, I wouldn't mind that.'

Bjorn was a very good boy for Granny. She was nice and smelled like sweets, let him sleep in her bed, told him stories of how silly Mummy was as a baby. Dada lay next to them and kissed Bjorn's feet.

'I see this cheerful child and all I can think about is how ill Loki was when Thor brought him back. I feared that Loki wouldn't survive the labour.'

'He did, there's no need to think about that anymore. Look at this sleepy smile.'

Bjorn didn't even need his plushies to fall asleep. Dada let him play with his large fingers and Granny quietly sang a lullaby.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's actually pretty funny when a baby boy thinks you have milk in your boobs and squeezes them, like, that's a milk factory, give me some milk! *squeeze squeeze*
> 
> Ever chased after a toddler? It's so difficult to catch them because you laugh so hard.


End file.
